Deep roots give rise to rich traditions in Jewish weddings

By Alison Friedman, The Wedding Yentas, Los AngelesThe basic blueprint for a Jewish wedding is not much different from any other kind. The bride and groom walk down the aisle, say some form of “I do,” kiss, and then party the night away. Yet, the traditions involved in Jewish weddings go deeper. Sprinkled among the events are customs with rich history and meaning, which usually symbolize more than one concept. Here’s a closer look at Jewish weddings:The private marriage contractBefore their wedding day, the couple purchases a ketubah. At its core, the ketubah is a marriage contract between the bride and groom. Lately, it is also considered a piece of beautiful art, which the couple can display in their home after the ceremony. The ketubah is signed in a private ceremony before the public one. Under the chuppah, or marriage canopy, the couple meets with the officiant, two witnesses, and their immediate family and close friends to sign the ketubah. Technically, this is all that’s needed to marry. Once the couple signs it and the officiant recites some prayers, they are “Jewishly” married.The public ceremonyThe chuppah ceremony occurs in front of all invited guests, after the ketubah signing. The bride and groom are escorted down the aisle by both of their parents. The officiant recites blessings for the couple and their marriage, often accompanied by sips of wine symbolizing a sweet life and a fruitful harvest of offspring. Planners seasoned in Jewish weddings know to use white wine as drips or spatters won’t stain the bride’s dress as badly.Rings are exchanged during the ceremony, but, unlike non-Jewish weddings, the rings, which are meant to be solid, unbroken bands, are placed on the couple’s pointer fingers. This is because the pointer finger is believed to be the most direct finger to the heart. The solid, unbroken bands symbolize eternity and trust. Modern brides will usually borrow a grandmother’s old, solid band so the bride can still wear a flashier version after the ceremony.The dos and don’ts of stomping glassStepping on the glass is the part of Jewish weddings that all guests and grooms look forward to most. There are many reasons for this tradition, but connections have been made between the fragility of glass and that of love and marriage. Both, therefore, should be treated with care. This custom also symbolizes the destruction of the temple in Israel.Some joke that when the groom steps on the glass, it will be his last time putting his foot down. In any case, the groom should be extremely careful with his technique. Salli Goldstein, a wedding and events consultant and day-of coordinator says, “I tell the guys not to wear Italian loafers because the loafers are very soft.” At one wedding she coordinated, Goldstein recalls the glass breaking through the sole of the groom’s shoe. He was rushed to the ER while everyone else went to the reception. “He came back, but he couldn’t really dance,” says Goldstein, the Dallas-based owner of Salli G. To avoid such a catastrophe, Goldstein recommends a specific glass and a way of wrapping it. “I use a small, 25-watt light bulb,” she says.  “I take that light bulb, wrap it in adhesive tape, put it in a plastic bag, and then wrap it in a napkin.”Time alone to enjoy the experienceAfter the ceremony, the couple is escorted into a private area for alone time. In biblical times, this period called yichud was when the couple consummated the marriage. Today, that’s obviously not a regular occurrence, but it’s still a nice moment for the couple to relax, enjoy each other’s company, and relish in their new, married titles. Practically speaking, it’s also a perfect time to grab a snack or even sip some celebratory champagne. During this time, “I always have a snack for them because they’re too nervous to eat before, and I offer a glass of wine or champagne to go with it,” says Goldstein.The dance of royaltyThe hora is an exciting part of a Jewish wedding reception. The traditional circle dance is usually filled with spirit—sometimes performances from outgoing guests as well. The newlyweds are lifted into chairs and hoisted high above their friends and family. The custom likens the bride and groom to royalty on their wedding day. The high position allows them to look upon their kingdom as if they’re on top of their thrones. It’s best to use armchairs for this dance. Having something to hold on to secures the bride and groom in place and allows them to relax so they can enjoy this festive tradition.According to Goldstein, what makes Jewish weddings unique is that they involve the whole family. Both sets of parents are part of the planning, they stand under the chuppah with the couple, and they are honored in various ways throughout the day. What else can be found at almost any Jewish wedding? Warmth, love, and deeply rooted heritage.

Jewish Wedding Terminology 101:

Bedeken: This is the veiling of the bride before the wedding ceremony. The groom places her veil over her face so he can be sure he’s marrying his intended. This goes back to biblical times when Jacob married Leah by accident, because her face was veiled. He thought he was marrying Rachel. Others say it is when the groom publicly demonstrates that his love and affection for his new bride goes beyond physical beauty; he loves her for what he cannot see.Chuppah: The wedding canopy, the chuppah is often adorned with flowers or décor but must be open on all four sides and have four poles and a covering above. The poles can be secured to the ground or held by honored guests or bridal party members. The canopy can be anything as simple as a piece of cloth or an heirloom like a bar mitzval tallit (prayer shawl) or a great-grandmother’s table cloth. This symbolizes the couple’s first married home and that it will always be open and welcoming for family and friends.Hora: This is a fun, traditional dance where guests hold hands and grapevine in a circle. “Hava Nagila,” a traditional Jewish song, accompanies the music, but musicians sometimes add songs from Fiddler on the Roof.Kippot: These are head coverings, sometimes referred to as yarmulkes. Sometimes, the bride and groom provide them for male guests to wear, though it is not a requirement if the ceremony is not in a synagogue.Sheva Brachot: This is a series of seven blessings said under the chuppah.Simcha: A term for a happy celebration, like a wedding or another joyous event.Tisch: Literally, this means “table.” Occuring before the bedeken, it’s a time for men to gather with the groom and tell stories, offer luck and advice, sing songs, and recite blessings just before escorting him to see his bride.