When Families Unite The Customs and Culture of Nigerian Weddings

by Omu Obilor, Rubans Rouge, Ikoyi Lagos, NigeriaMeaningful, vivid, and vibrant, filled with drumbeats and dance, Nigerian weddings are unforgettable experiences.From civil to traditional to religiousAlthough certain customs vary region-to-region and contemporary influences have occurred, these weddings are filled with ancient traditions that are adhered to and respected. The three types of Nigerian weddings today are civil, traditional, and religious. The civil marriage typically takes place at a registry. A traditional ceremony is held in the village setting with friends and community attending. In the religious ceremony, the bride and the groom go to the church or mosque and exchange vows according to the tradition of their chosen religion. Nigerians can participate in one of these forms or all, but traditional and religious are most popular.Western influence brings contemporary changesThe Nigerian customary wedding has some similarities with the western ceremony. In Nigerian weddings, however, these are accompanied with a lot of pomp and pageantry, song and dance.•    The father gives the bride away in a Nigerian wedding.•    The mother of the bride plays a major role that day as well, alongside her friends.•    Attention is paid to her and she has her special dance as the mother of the bride.•    The couple has their first dance together.•    The groom doesn’t see the bride the night before the wedding.Nigerian weddings unite entire familiesBut what is truly special about Nigerian weddings is this: The wedding goes beyond the couple. It is actually considered a union between the families. How does this play out? It begins in the “asking” phase, when the groom’s intentions become known. He doesn’t just walk up to the bride’s parents to ask for her hand in marriage. He uses a middleman, or go-between, who is known by both families. In some cases, only one side of the family knows him, but the other family has to trust him enough to pay attention to him.Gifts for both families are also important and vary according to tribe. The middleman leaves a list of gifts, including a dowry, or bride price, with the bride’s father, and a date is set. By the wedding, this list is completed and all gifts bestowed. The bride price is a very important aspect of the Nigerian wedding. The amount of money paid varies, depending on the tribe. In some families a token of N20 (less then 50 cents) is collected. The cost of the Nigerian wedding is not as high as people think when they see the list of things they have to buy. One finds that most times, these can be negotiated and you’ll end up not spending much. The Nigerian marriage is legal and bound by customary law. In the event of a divorce, although uncommon in Nigeria, the bride price is returned to the groom’s parents. This is seen as a final dissolution of the union.On the day of the wedding, the groom also bears gifts to the bride’s friends and family. This intimate dance of respect between the families of the bride and groom, acknowledges the importance of the families and the community to the bride and groom’s own union as husband and wife.