Try adding these simple tools to your toolbox to achieve greater clarity in your communications.Note: This article is the first in a series about a tool that helps establish clarity in business and personal communication.What if in life and business the stresses we experience from unmet or fuzzy expectations were less frequent? What could that mean for our well being and those in our circles of influence? Let’s look at a visual tool and explore some language that can greatly reduce the stress in our lives, especially as it relates to expectations. It can help you, and those around you, breathe a little easier in the stress-filled world of wedding planning. But first, a disclaimerI have never planned a wedding. I’ve been to quite a few, including my own, but I haven’t played much of a role in planning them. Once, I was sitting next to a wedding planner on an airplane, so I asked her the question that people in the industry are always asked: “What’s the most money someone spent on an extravagant wedding item?” Answer: “A zillion dollars on roses, and it drove the father of the bride crazy!” Weddings are amazing, important events, but outside of the pageantry, there are tons of stresses, tears, compromises, and opportunities for disappointment and anger.So let’s reduce your stressCompanies like GiANT Worldwide help build “leaders worth following,” not just leaders people have to follow, but leaders others want to follow. Providing clients with visual tools and simple language they can rapidly deploy in the places they lead is critical. One such tool is GiANT Worldwide’s “Provision-Plan-Promise,” and it addresses the issue of unmet or fuzzy expectations. We all know what happens when expectations (real or imagined) aren’t met: disappointment, anger, and mistrust abound. No one wins when expectations are dashed.ProvisionalThis means that whatever is being said is in the realm of possibility, but it’s not certain. It’s an idea that may or may not come to fruition. Some people naturally speak and hear provisionally. “Let’s meet about the Schneider wedding” to them means, “maybe, possibly, somewhere down the road, we will talk about the Schneider wedding…or not.” No one is locked in. But in the wedding industry—so much depends upon everyone being on the same page and meeting to discuss details, so clarity is important.PlanThis means that we’re gaining certainty. It’s no longer simply hypothetical, we’re getting serious. “Let's meet about the Schneider wedding this Friday?” “Let’s pencil it in, and I can confirm that by tomorrow. I hope this works out. Thanks.” The parties involved are leaning into what is being proposed, but there is still room to back out.PromiseThis means we’re locked in. “Agreed. We will meet Friday, for lunch, 11:45 a.m. at my office to discuss the Scheinder wedding. I'll email the talking points tomorrow morning.” If I’ve made or heard a promise, there will be a loss of trust and credibility if the promise is broken. Some people naturally hear and speak promise—even when others speak provisionally.Clarify expectationsThe Provision-Plan-Promise tool is used to clarify expectations. Here’s an example. I tend to hear and speak with Promise, but I have a son who hears and speaks with Provision. Many of our interpersonal clashes have been eliminated because we use the language to clarify expectations. “Want to come over to watch the game?” “Sure, Dad, but let me agree to that Provisionally.” We both know what that means. It’s easier on both of us as things become clearer.Use this with ClientsI know you already use contracts, and that’s good. Argue with paper, not with people. But even with airtight contracts, there is wiggle-room for misunderstanding. It’ll only take you a minute to show and explain the tool. Say, “I’m really excited to work with you. This will be an amazing event. Around ACME Wedding Planners, we use a tool called Provison-Plan-Promise, so we can maintain good communication with our clients. How about if we all try to use this language whenever we can so we don’t confuse each other and cause too much stress? Let’s keep our eyes on the spectacular day we’re all anticipating.”Use with the Wedding TeamYou intersect with caterers, bands, florists, and bakers. Who is setting the linens? Who places the floral? When will you arrive? Yes, you have contracts, but there’s lots of room for misunderstanding. Same as the above: Teach the tool and the language, and life will get better.Use with ColleaguesWithin your organization, you have interpersonal confusion about expectations. Who does what? When? Were they just floating ideas out there, or did they mean it? Explain the tool, start using the language, and watch your stresses dissipate. “I heard you say you’d be there about noon. It’ll help me to know for sure. Was that Provisional, Plan, or Promise?”Use at Home—and EverywhereWhy not try it among friends and family? It only takes a minute to teach this tool and start using its language in all of your circles of influence. Unmet and unclear expectations can hamstring even the best of relationships. This tool will help. I promise. WPM__Tom Nebel, Giant Worldwide, Madison, Wis.