By Alan Berg, CSP, www.alanberg.com,Kendall Park, N.J.In a perfect world, we’d get every sale we want, for the dollars we want. But we don’t live in a perfect world, do we? There are no trophies for second place when it comes to winning a sale. You either get the sale, or you don’t, so what’s a wedding planner to do? Here are five ways to handle losing a sale: 1) Rejection is in the eyes of the beholder. When you don’t get a sale, you might feel like you’ve been rejected, but that’s not usually the case. They just liked/trusted/believed in someone else more. Is that semantics? I prefer to call it optimism. When it comes to choosing a wedding planner, there can be only one winner—that doesn’t make everyone else losers. Prospective clients may like you enough to hire you, but they have to choose one pro among the many available. How many weddings do you do each year? That’s how many times clients chose you and not another planner. Are you the winner? Yes, but you may not have been their only choice. Had you not been available, they would have chosen someone else, someone very capable, nice, and likely at a similar price point. This isn’t like second grade, where everyone gets a trophy these days, there’s a winner and then there’s everyone else.2) You often lose the sale before you even had a chance. Many couples are looking for planners in places where you don’t advertise. To them, you don’t exist, but that was your choice. You chose not to advertise there or participate in that wedding show. Or, you choose to take the free or cheap listing instead of the more visible, or premium one. If you want others to invest in you, you have to invest in yourself first. Other times, potential clients make it to your website but leave without contacting you. They’re legitimate prospects, but you lost them, often without even knowing they had shown interest (going to your website is a big buying signal). Keep your site technology and information up-to-date. It’s critical to plugging this hole.3) If they wanted to talk on the phone they would have called. If you get most of your inquiries through email (and who doesn’t’?), then you need to ensure you’re learning to have better email conversations. If many of your email conversations stop after the first exchange, that’s your cue to change the way you communicate. Their first email is likely to ask about price, but that makes sense because they don’t know how to shop for a wedding planner. You also may not have pricing on your website. If your first response is to push them to a phone call, you’re going to lose many of them. Why? If they had wanted to talk on the phone they would have called you. Customers show us how they want to communicate by the way they contact us. Another reason they don’t want to talk on the phone is that they’re likely to be at work when they reach out, and they can’t (or shouldn’t) talk about their wedding during work hours. So, if you’re trying to force them to adapt to you and call right away, you could lose out on opportunities where the leads go cold after your first reply.4) Learn from the experience. Successful entrepreneurs understand that every failure is an opportunity to learn and grow. Take a look at your email exchanges, and see if you can identify where the conversation went downhill or stopped. If they’re going quiet at similar points or after similar topics, adjust your conversations. Also, have someone else look at the emails and see if they can identify any issues. It’s often hard to critique your own writing.5) Ask why you lost the sale. Should you ask people why they went with someone else? Sure. The worst that happens is that they don’t respond. First, be humble and wish them well. Then, if you choose to ask, a good question is, “What did you find with someone else that you didn’t find with me (us)?” That’s a lot softer than, “Why didn’t you go with me (us)?” Asking “What did you find with someone else?” could give you insight into their priorities and why they perceived another planner to be a better choice.Remember, it’s not whether you are the better choice; it’s whether they perceive you to be the better choice. It’s also okay to be a little upset that you lost the sale. It’s not okay to hold onto that anger or frustration. Learn from the experience, and do a better job next time. If what you’re doing was working a few years ago, and now it’s not, it’s up to you to adapt. Customers don’t adapt to us, we adapt to them. Happy selling! ••