Same Sex, Different Destination Wedding–

Destination weddings for same-sex couples require different skill set

By Meghan Ely, OFD Consulting, Richmond, Va. photos courtesy of The New Art of Capturing Love: The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Wedding Photography. All photos are reprinted with the permission of Amphoto Books, ©2014.The following is the final article in a three-part series on same-sex marriage, both culturally and politically and within the wedding industry.Over the last two decades, destination weddings have taken the bridal industry by storm, encouraging couples to loosen themselves from the binds of local ties and explore the world beyond. Remote nuptials are popular options for thrill seekers, cultural enthusiasts, lovers of exotic locales, and those who love to travel. Same-sex couples have steadily embraced out-of-state destinations for their weddings as well, with 64 percent traveling to the nearest marriage-equality state to wed, according to a 2012 survey by www.GayWeddings.com and WeddingWire.“Same-sex couples have tended to choose destinations outside of their home states for reasons of practicality over romance,” says Kathryn Hamm, president of www.GayWeddings.com and coauthor of The New Art of Capturing Love. “‘Legal elopements’ is probably a more accurate term for most of these destination marriages, but same-sex couples do also embrace opportunities to take the show on the road and get married in many of the destination wedding spots favored by opposite-sex couples as well.”Diane York, owner of Portland, Maine, based Diane York Weddings & Events, Inc., notes that same-sex destination weddings are an expanding market for wedding professionals residing in gay-friendly destinations. While many of her clients have hosted low-key affairs, others bring much larger crowds. “When we have destination weddings,” she says, “There is also a need for hotel room blocks for the guests as well as local places to dine, in addition to booking the photographer, florist, etc.”How, though, is planning a destination wedding different when working with a same-sex couple vs. heterosexual clients? From motivation to execution, same-sex destination weddings demand expert knowledge and care regarding issues commonly faced by two brides or two grooms.Nice or necessary, elopements can be challengingMany same-sex couples wish to escape to a tropical paradise or celebrate their heritage at one of many historical sites around the world and may find, in some places, that legal marriage is easier to access than it is at home. Others hope to save money by eliminating some of the expenses of large local weddings. Still others share a love of adventure and want to exchange vows abroad. For each, elopement is a logical, if sometimes challenging, option.According to Hamm, in the mid-2000s, most same-sex couples went to Canada for their legal marriage since it was the only legal option available before Massachusetts opened its doors to out-of-state, same-sex marriages. Today, couples may choose a site that is special to them or find their closest marriage equality state. Hamm cites the 2012 www.GayWeddings.com/WeddingWire survey of same-sex couples, which found that only 46 percent married in their home states, compared to 70 percent of straight couples.Brit Bertino, CSEP, celebrity same-sex wedding planner and owner of Brit Bertino Event Excellence in Las Vegas, notes, from her experience, that Hawaii, Massachusetts, California, Vermont, New Hampshire, and New York are “same-sex legally binding states that are popular for destination weddings.” Outside of the United States, she finds Mexico one of the most popular locations for destination weddings, although same-sex couples must travel to Mexico City or Quintana Roo to have their union legally performed. Once married in one of these two locations, however, they enjoy recognition throughout the country.Serious legal and safety issuesIt’s not enough for a wedding planner to specialize in destination weddings when it comes to same-sex couples. Today’s professional must understand more than just the options available; they also must understand legal and personal implications of where and when these unions take place and how they are recognized at home.Internationally, same-sex marriage is legal in some jurisdictions of the United Kingdom and, as previously noted, Mexico and the United States. Still others are notoriously unwelcoming and even unsafe for same-sex nuptials. The www.CBC.ca offers a list of countries, including India; Papua, New Guinea; much of Africa; and most of the Middle East, where homosexuality is not only illegal but punishable by imprisonment or death. These countries should be avoided at all costs by same-sex destination wedding couples.Further challenges may ensue when one member of the couple has immigrated to the United States and has not obtained citizenship status. The couple then needs to marry in either the United States or the partner’s home country. One such couple, Jon Paul Buchmeyer, from Texas, and Juan Pablo Chavez, from Mexico, who met after they each immigrated to New York, would have preferred to get married legally when they were ready without having to worry about Chavez’s individual path to United States citizenship. "Funny enough, Mexico City was years ahead of New York in allowing same-sex couples to get married. But at the time, and unlike straight couples, the United States would not have recognized our marriage performed South of the Border for purposes of immigration, so we were forced to wait it out," says Buchmeyer. As it was, they were lucky. Chavez became a citizen independently, and later, they were able to marry in their home state of New York in 2012.What planners need to knowSame-sex destination weddings have many similarities to those of heterosexual couples but also many differences that require the services of savvy wedding planners who stay on top of the latest legal issues, know the market, and appeal to its uniqueness. Wedding planners with a keen interest in working in the same-sex wedding market should consider leveraging these skills and, in some instances, their geography to highlight their competitive advantage.Planners living in, or in close proximity to, a region recognizing marriage equality will want to consider designing planning packages for same-sex couples that are customized to meet their unique needs. Those packages should include consideration for destination weddings and elopements. “Wedding pros need to help couples with the basic wedding-on-the-road details, but it’s also important for planners to realize that a scaled-back package offering an officiant, flowers, and a few photographs to facilitate a quick legal elopement will be desirable to some couples,” says Hamm.Wedding planners expanding into the same-sex destination wedding markets should follow certain best practices established by the pros. Bertino says planners should start by “becoming familiar with what states and countries offer legal same-sex marriages…and the process of what the couple would need to do to obtain a legal marriage license in that particular location.” She encourages wedding planners to contact travel and visitors’ bureaus in new destinations as well as individual resorts before recommending them to clients. “You might ask how many same-sex weddings a resort has performed and what was the community’s response to them,” says Bertino. Look for hesitation, which might indicate a level of discomfort. This will help you determine, as accurately as possible, the atmosphere your clients will experience during their wedding.Same-sex destination weddings and legal elopements demand greater effort in evaluating attitudes towards same-sex unions and availability of friendly resources. “No couple deserves hostile treatment or awkward situations on their wedding day – at home or abroad,” says Hamm, “so make extra sure that the venues and host state or country are welcoming and supportive of same-sex couples. Doing so promises to help your clients enjoy a happy and empowering experience, as they take their first steps together as a newly married couple.”Same-Sex Marriage: Where to Wed?As of April 2014, according to www.ProCon.org, 15 of 194 countries allow same-sex couples to marry. They are:Netherlands (2000) Belgium (2003)Canada (2005) Spain (2005)South Africa (2006) Norway (2009)Sweden (2009) Argentina (2010)Iceland (2010) Portugal (2010)Denmark (2012) Uruguay (2013)New Zealand (2013) Brazil (2013)France (2013)ResourcesPlanners and couples alike need not feel at a loss when selecting the perfect, safe destination. Many resources exist to help couples plan same-sex destination weddings, including:• www.GayWeddings.com• Destination Wedding Magazine (online)— www.DestinationWeddingmag.com/articles/gay-marriage-lesbian-weddings-same-sex-wedding-guide• Gay Destination Weddings—www.GayDestinationWeddings.com• Gay Weddings and Honeymoons—www.GayWeddingsandHoneymoons.com• Frommers— www.Frommers.com/slideshows/821483#sthash.
6kIXlYo0.dpbs• Lonely Planet— www.LonelyPlanet.com/travel-tips-and-articles/
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